Today is March 1st. I sit here lookin out across wichita falls and see all the cars, people walkin and going on with their lives. I cant believe we have been here 30 days. an entire month lost. Im so grateful to still have my son, but i am so tired of being in a hospital room. The Rathgeber House is a God send, and we are so thankful to be here, but we want to go home. selfish huh?
you dont realize all the little things you take for granted until you have to do without them, or until they are just flat gone. i miss my dogs. i miss being able to cook a meal. i miss work. and our church. the things that make life your own. i miss passing people on the street and waving, no one does that in wichita falls. i always take olney for granted until i've been away for a little while.
Gage got a bigger room yesterday, he's calling it his "apartment"...it has a nice view, so that is something to be thankful for! The respitory therapists have brought a "cap" to put on the end of his trach tube to help him talk. In 19 years, i havent seen much that phases him, but everytime they put that cap on, he has pure terror on his face. it just breaks my heart to not be able to do anything about it. There is something just wrong about being so helpless. There is so much about this whole thing that i dont have answers to. i pray for wisdom to help get him through the hard days.
The blood infection is back. Or they never really got rid of it, im not sure which statement is the most accurate. How ANYTHING can live through all the antibiotics he's had in the past 30 days just boggles my mind. He has another urinary tract infection. His left lung shows an air pocket, which is good news. the right lung is still not functioning like it should. pneumonia just wants to hang around. Gage doesnt want to sleep. He told me yesterday that he's afraid to go to sleep, because he's afraid he wont wake up. He's still critical so i cant even reassure him that he's fine. What does a mom say to her child to give him peace when she is terrified herself?
I am absolutely floored by all the prayers, cards, calls, texts and visits we have had. to look up and see a familiar face is worth a pile of gold. God has blessed us with people who not only care, but take time to show it. i know that everything happens for a reason, and i may never know the reason we are going thru this, but i am ready for the lesson to be over. We have learned how many people care about us. we have learned we can get through so many obstacles because we have God on our side. a crystal ball would be nice, because everyone knows patience is NOT my virtue...but i know that when i think i cant keep going, all i have to do is look around. i have multitude of friends who are just waiting to hold my hand and walk with me. I love ya'll. Thanks for checking on us, for praying for us, for the calls and texts emails and FB posts. It means more than you can imagine.
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